Introducing Gordon Ramsay

Posted by Nick  | 17 Jun 2016  | 1 comment

This mighty handsome gentleman is Gordon Ramsay, our resident ram.

He was brought here a couple of months ago from the same breeder who sold us our ewes. Gordon’s job is simple: Service all the ladies in his personal harem.

We’ve seen him walk up beside his ewes and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Well, he’s more perverted than that, actually; he kind of just waggles his tongue like a real creep then takes a piss. The ladies melt, however. They’ll squat and piss for him, too, then he’ll go behind and sniff their urine to see if they’re in heat. At this point we usually see him lose interest or the ladies will just walk away. We’ve never seen any of them let Gordon have his way with them. That’s why we got him a raddle.

A raddle is that fancy looking strap he’s wearing. The New Zealand term is just “ram harness”, but we prefer “raddle”, because it sounds sexier, like a piece of bondage equipment. There’s a crayon which sits over a ram’s brisket (chest) and the straps go over his shoulders to secure it. The idea here is that when he mounts a ewe and gets his freak on, the crayon will rub off on the ewe’s rump, leaving a mark for us voyeurs to confirm that he’s done the deed. Sure enough, some marks began to appear not long after he donned his gimp suit, so he must have been getting busy in the early hours.

We fastened the raddle a couple of weeks after putting Gordon in with the ladies, so he’s most likely already got cuddly with the rest of them. We haven’t seen any new marks on the ladies recently, which should mean they’re all in-lamb, and it’s time for Gordon to frolic in the nuddy again. Here’s hoping we see all of ewe bust out a couple of woolly cutie-pies come spring. Gordon, you dawg.

“Take it off, you b’aaad boy…”


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George Shears
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My oh my, your evolution as farmers continues to unfold apace. and very impressively. This piece reminds me of a “past life” of sorts, while I was still a hunter of deer and other wild life–grouse in particular. I shot a couple of big bucks (male deer) during that era and field-dressed them. Strangely, I’ve long forgotten the specifics for accomplishing this challenging feat. Your graphic step-by-step documentation helped refresh my memory. It was fortunate that Char’s mum was there as an active guide. Very well done, indeed. I’m sure you’ll be enjoying delicious mutton dishes for some time. For whatever reason, this is a form of meat that has never been included in my diet. Venison, however, was a main staple during my boyhood days.

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